Episode 04: The Common Pattern of Overwhelm, Freeze, Shame + Urgency
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
I am in the deep belief that our most incredible work does not happen out of the states of stress and survival and fear. Our best work happens when we feel safe and secure and held. When we can trust ourselves with everything we are.
Welcome to episode four of the podcast where I breakdown a common pattern I see show up for entrepreneurs of overwhelm in the mind, stress response in the body, shame, pushing harder and repeat. I share this to give language and also practical ways to support yourself if you find yourself here.
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Important Integration Steps from Episode:
Notice if any of this pattern or stages feel resonant to you.
Reflect on what a business model could look like that does not overwhelm you.
Practice connection where you might want to isolate in shame.
Discern the difference between working in urgency vs working in enthusiasm.
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Sign up for the waitlist for Coming Home.
Check out our amazing partners!
Read the Transcript:
Welcome to episode four of the Gentle Business Sessions. I am your host Ashley Beaudin and I am so excited to have you here.
I hope that wherever you are, that you can find something that brings you comfort and care as you listen in as we dive into this conversation together. In this episode, I want to share about a pattern that I see play out a lot in those that I get the absolute owner of supporting. And I think it might be resonant to a lot of us.
I know, even for myself that I can see myself in it. I can see the, the different ways that it can show up for me. And I want to just chat through it a little bit in hopes that it might bring clarity or healing to someone and give language for what is possibly happening for you. It could also be helpful to know that this is something that is very real for other people and help you know how to support your clients more intentionally.
So a big piece of my work through the years has been really looking at how to help people heal self-sabotage, how to look with compassion at the ways that we self protect and how can we unravel from some of those patterns as we find a true and genuine sense of safety in ourselves and in our work.
And it was through a lot of those conversations with folks that I started to really identify this pattern I’d often see play out.
And so I'm going to describe a little bit about how it plays out and then I'm going to discern with you the stages that are really present in there and then give a little bit of context and ideas for support.
I've never recorded a podcast or recorded anything like this before on this topic, so I'm curious to see how it will land with all of you.
So one of the patterns that can really play out is it often starts with someone becoming overwhelmed in their mind. For some reason, sometimes they become overwhelmed because they are just bringing in so much information and then it feels so overwhelming to know what to do. Sometimes they're consulting a lot of people, other people's ideas and opinions, and then it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's, when they think about taking an action or a step in their business, they become overwhelmed by fear or overwhelmed by self doubt it just causes them to be overwhelmed by these sensations or emotions.
When that happens when there is overwhelm in the mind.
I have noticed that for a lot of individuals, that it can provoke a nervous system response in the body of stress. And I have most often seen that it provokes a nervous system response of freeze.
Where suddenly someone's like, oh my gosh, I feel so stuck. Oh my gosh. I feel so frozen. I feel like I'm shutting down. I don't know what to do now. Oh my gosh. Get this away from me. Like, I don't want to think about this anymore.
And now they're engaging with their business, not even from an intellectual place, but from a somatic place. And that somatic place is feeling stressed or distressed. And so when that's happening, it's really hard to feel clear or confident or connected. Because the body does not feel safe. The overwhelm in the mind has shown the body that it is not safe. And now that is becoming the overwhelming narrative.
Often, we're not understanding that, oh, we feel frozen or we feel shut down. We might use words like I feel stuck. But we're probably not in awareness that we're having a nervous system stress response. Instead, we might want to push harder.
Because pushing harder is not often in the direction of safety. That's only going to deepen the need for the body to you go into a survival response.
Then when the pushing heart's not working. Nothing's working, nothing's working. Nothing seems to be working. We might feel shame for not being able to get anything done.
And we might feel ashamed for pace or a timeline or our productivity levels. We might compare ourselves to other people, et cetera.
In light of holding that. The interesting thing is that then often. People will go back to the beginning of the cycle. And usually, uh, consume a lot of information.
Like I need to get back. I need to get back to this. I need to take action. So now I'm going to go to Google or I'm going to go to Pinterest and I’m going to take this course. I'm going to bring in as much information as I can, which then only provokes yet another sense of overwhelmed in the mind. Which again, the pattern continues.
So we're looking at really four stages. The mind gets overwhelmed. The body dissociate. We feel shame. We push harder. We go back to overwhelm. That’s it in the simplest form. That would be the simplest description of the pattern. Now it might not work out exactly like that for you. I am obviously sharing it in a very generalized sense and everyone is different, but be curious, like, are there aspects of that that feel really resonated and true?
When looking at something like this, the most important thing that we do is we have compassion. We have compassion for all that we are and all the ways we move and all that we do, because all of us make sense at all times, given our information and experiences.
If this is something that shows up for you, that gets to be this beautiful sense of information for us to let us know what might be going on internally? And that it's not as simple as pushing harder. It's not as simple as. Doing more. It's not as simple as trying a new strategy. There's actually a very deep need to slow it down, not go faster. Get slower, get more gentle, not get faster and more harsh. And so that's what we want to do.
That's the approach that we want to take and paying attention to these kinds of cycles and behaviors that can happen.
We want to look at that, that first part, the overwhelm of the mind. The overwhelm of the mind. When the mind is very overwhelmed. That can feel like a scary place to be. It makes me think a lot about. If you've ever heard trauma described as. Too much, too soon, too fast. The sensations were too much, too soon, too fast.
When our mind is overwhelmed, it can elicit those same sensors too much, too soon, too fast.
That's one observation. I want to point out another observation. I want to point out is that the cycle that I've just described is unfortunately a pattern that makes people a lot of money.
Like if someone can bring someone into a program. And keeps them overwhelmed. They'll actually stay longer because they never get better. And that can be juxtaposed by look at all this incredible value.
And so that's when you get these like two different senses of like, I'm getting so much value in this program.
I'm not actually getting anywhere because I'm overwhelmed, but yeah, I'm getting so much value. From what's being shared with me. And so I'm just gonna stay here.
My encouragement would actually be that if you ever find yourself getting into that sense, that sense of I feel overwhelmed. Then that is not a supportive space for you to grow. It is so hard to grow. If you feel overwhelmed. .
A lot of people make a lot of money off people staying overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed can mimic sensations of trauma. Which can cause our bodies to feel unsafe. And so that first piece really is this question of. How can you discover spaces that do not overwhelm you? How can you create a business model that does not overwhelm you?
How can you take in learning in a way that does not overwhelm you?
Another note that I want to make on this is that if you are neurodivergent, if you have a history of trauma, if anything like that is going on, you might actually be really used to being overwhelmed. That might be normal for you to be overwhelmed. I know that that has definitely been my story. I just want to say that that, that does not have to be your normal. Just because that's been your experience so far does not mean it has to be your experience into the future. You deserve a life where you do not have to feel overwhelmed a hundred percent of the time.
You see if we can cultivate a business, a life, a way of being with yourself where you do not feel overwhelmed. That is going to diminish the need for the body to enter into the stress response. To help you survive.
But also overwhelming moments happen.
This is why the clarity can help so much and having language for it, because if we know that, okay, I'm getting into that space where my mind is starting to feel overwhelmed.
And I know that this is it's probably going to cause me to shut down. This is probably going to cause me to feel stuck or freeze. Then I get to move with so much more intentionality and so much more compassion in how I lead myself.
Then it becomes important to look at. How can I practice care in safety here? How can I remind my body that it is safe? That the sensations that I'm having of overwhelm are not actually cues of danger, even if they've been cues of danger in the past.
That is such profound. And powerful work. To be able to lead yourself with that level of awareness and kindness.
And if you can do that.
And the body can go king sort of just like exhale in relief.
Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good stuff.
But let's say you have a context come up. Where you got overwhelmed and then your body is shutting down. And now you're feeling shame.
I often picture shame as the great isolator. It is like this heavy cloak of isolation. You're the only one. You're the only one. It having that experience of shame, can you pause? And offer connection to yourself? Can you pause and initiate connection with another?
Shame isolates us to protect us but when we realize that we are safe in our experience because we're learning to meet ourselves with the deepest levels of care.
We can begin to find our refuge in self-kindness not in isolation.
So, if you notice yourself in that shame stage, choose connection. With you. With someone. With an animal with nature.
You are not the only one.
Now let's say you're going, you're getting all the way down to pushing harder. When I feel myself pushing hard, I really need, I really have a practice. Really noticing like the motivation of why I'm pushing hard because sometimes I can be exerting energy out of enthusiasm and inspiration and joy. And that is so different than pushing hard out of urgency, fear scarcity. And it's really important to notice for you what's the difference between those two?
I actually think that there are people who are pushing hard and urgency and scarcity and think that's what it feels like to make things happen. They have not yet discovered that there's a way to create and do and it feels like inspiration and joy. Because that's all they've ever known.
And so really paying attention to that. But when I find myself pushing hard out of scarcity, intensity, et cetera. I know that I am responding to a mind, body spirit that does not feel safe for some reason. And then that gets to become my invitation to lean in and listen. What is going on here? What's happening for me right now? What do I need here? What am I searching for? What am I hoping for?
As you can see show much of the work that I share here is about returning. Just keep returning to yourself. Keep returning. And connecting and tending and listening and noticing.
I am in the deep belief that our most incredible work. Our most incredible work does not happen out of the states of stress and survival and fear.
But our best work happens when we feel safe and secure and held. When we can trust ourselves with everything we are.
When I was younger. I used to write a lot of poetry and I would always ask, why do sad poems feel the best? Why are sad poems so much better than happy poems?
I only knew how to create out of tragedy and despair. And sometimes that's what we need. Absolutely. We need that space. But I think the deeper invitation for a lot of us is like you've led and you've created out of fear and survival, when will you let yourself do it out of joy and safety? You deserve that experience. You deserve it completely.
I hope that me sharing about this pattern can give clarity. Language. Compassion. And to show you that you're not alone. And if you resonate or notice yourself in any of these pieces. What could it look like to tend to you?
If you're in the overwhelmed with the mind, how can you make it less complicated? How can you consume less information? How can you plant yourself in communities that liberate you not overwhelm you?
If you find yourself in the body shutting down or freezing, how can you remind the body that it's safe? How can you bring care to the nervous system? How can you ground yourself in the present?
If you feel shame, how can you connect with yourself or someone else? How can you remind yourself that you're not the only one?
And if you're pushing you hard, how can you discern the difference between working with enthusiasm and inspiration versus working with intensity or survival? How can you let yourself experienced joy?
Some questions I want to leave with you today.
As you know, we have two incredible partners for gentle business sessions. One being Willowspace, which I shared about in the last full episode. And the other being Marvelous which I am so excited to share a little bit more about right now.
Marvelous has a massive capacity for doing all, a lot of different, beautiful things for you in your business. It is an incredible platform to you host digital products, community or memberships, etc. I had never heard about Marvelous, even though it existed for quite a while until I spoke with my massage therapist. And I was like what's this Marvelous thing that you have? And when I found it, I was like, how have I never heard of this before?
It is again a software that is simple, intentional, clear. It's not overwhelming to the mind or the brain.
A lot of the vision of Marvelous that I deeply resonate with around working ethically, with integrity, gently. But also providing value and making money and doing our most meaningful work.
So if you have not checked them out yet, now's the time. They are. No pun intended. Marvelous. And you can find out all the information about them on my website at gentlebusinesscoach.com slash software. That's that page you can find out more about Marvelous and Willow space. I highly recommend both of those softwares. And I'm excited to continue to share more about them in the weeks to come.
From here, I’ll just leave you with one last thought, which is, be gentle with you. No matter where you are or what you're doing. Today. Be gentle with you.
Thank you so much for being here with me. If you have any questions, thoughts, I want to hear all about it. Make sure you send me a DM on Instagram at gentle a business coach. Feel free to share about the podcast with anyone you think that this might resonate. The honour is mine. To be here with you and pour out a little bit of my heart and I'll see you next week.